Thursday, November 15, 2007

Yesterday cont....

I almost forgot the Penny milestones! Yesterday Penny used the potty for the first time! It was sort of a case of being in the right place at the right time without your pants on - I'll spare the details and those that want them can call and ask but it was pretty exciting. She is also saying "pants", a full "hello" not just "hi", is often putting multiple words and/or signs together, and is very clear about her preferences (eg.: hot cerial vrs. cold serial, etc...). Her ever increasing brilliance never ceases to impress me. Here's a sweet moment we had this week:

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Revelation Week

This week doesn't seem to be slowing down in intensity for me really - but not for lack of trying. I even went so far as to get up early one morning before Penny was awake even and started the tea and did some yoga (which hasn't happened in ages for me) and I got a full hour of me time first thing no less! If you are not or have never been a mother, you might be stunned as to why the incredulous tone. My day usually begins with a smack on the face or a fistfull of my hair being pulled out by Penny and a cheery "HI!" an inch from my nose and sometimes a bonus wet morning baby kiss (which are the best!!!) and a gesture towards the door, then a diaper, a mad dash to the bathroom to see to my own needs, then take my best shot at convincing Penny that brushing our teeth is a realy fun game, then if I'm very lucky a quick shower in which I need to dance and sing (and any other form of entertainment that you would assume might best be reserved for opportunely clothed moments) for Penny whilst trying to actually clean myself, followed by running Penny her own bath and hopping on one foot trying to be in two rooms at once between getting on each article of clothing so I can be sure she doesn't drown in two inches of water. On the days she's really into bath time I get to dry my hair and that coupled with a hot morning chai can make me feel almost human again, maybe not like much of a woman, but human. An hour later I'm picking Penny's crusty oatmeal breakfast off my jeans. This is my life.

Intensity, yes, as I was saying. Every day I seem to set out expecting one kind of day and then something else entirely seems to unfold. It's not been stemming from the painting this week - in fact I've ended up having very little time in the studio at all. Since last week was about research, it only follows that now come the revelations. Here was today's revelation I jotted down in my sketch book:
"Last night I dreamt I was planting an herb garden - and it hit me today: Last weekend when Mike and I had one of our first real difficult dissagreements and then finally when after two days we reached a point of understanding about our silly non problems - reached that point in an conflict where you finally hit the root of the matter - the kind of resolve that unveils what really motivated one to get bent out of shape about who puts the fresh garbage bags in the can - when you reach the emotional core and you can finally move through it and move on. I find it interesting that after our big talk I was dead-set on immediately going to work on pulling out the Rosemary bush that has swallowed our driveway and entry way whole, the monster of my discontent that has been staring me down for months now (I pulled the other one out while I was pregnant that one month I actually had energy and I was back for blood this time). Penny asleep in the car still we wrapped a rope around the base of the bush and yoinked it out if seconds flat. I think we were both surprised at how easily it came free, and instantly we felt the catharsis and the symbolism of what had just taken place. I went to work planting new flowers in the bed and sweeping the driveway while Mike became the caseworker in the innocent until proven guilty Rosemary bush relocation program, which now resides under a new name in the far corner of the yard where it belongs and will be (where we will all be) much happier with it. The symbolism of this act, and the relief we both felt in planting something new where frustration had once flourished was not lost on us. We'll see if she appears in the next painting...hmmmm" [the gears are going again]

Here's the only tangible sign of headway I've made in the studio this week. The rest has just been the business of being an artist and not necessarily a whole lot of painting: running pieces to and from the framers (Terry you've been a life saver and source of solace every time I see you - Thank You!), I hit a few local stores with my greeting cards and magnets some success there, some heartbreak. I'm not used to having to put myself out there so much - in an art show you usually toil in solitude for a year or so and then have one night to let the work do all the talking, and the people that come are there to see it - I'm not as comforatable with having to do the talking and approaching other people peddling my art like I'm selling a Kirby. So, these are hard knocks but good ones, and the successes certianly make it easier to take the failures.

Today also ended up being about friends in need. I did a Tarot reading for a friend (which I hadn't done in years) and three major arcana cards came up - Jen, I know you'll understand the implications of this immediately. I also got to hob nob with midwife Emily for a little while (talk wedding stuff, relationship stuff, baby stuff, and of course discussed the really crucial question of the day, "so, what are you going to wear for the art show?" - which is still looming over my head unanswered ;)
My evening ended on a really lovely note as I was able to answer to the call to arms from my lady friend Rena to unite and validate, weild our affirmations and bare our souls. It had been a long time since I felt a sense of ritual, not since the full moon circles my grandma Berta hosted when I was her apprentice as an awkward child and almost-woman. Rena had this idea to write down the things we loved about each of the other and then share them aloud. I suggested writing them down in 4 separate notebooks so we could have a keepsake and reminder of this gesture. To be in the room was to know what it is for your heart to swell and there was not a dry eye in the place. How lucky I am to know so many poets. Heather and Amy, I also suggested that we transcribe our little party favors for you so that you two can add to them as well and we'll start our love poems to you as you were sorely missed and it was too special for you to have missed out on completely.

Mike, I'm missing you terribly and as I sit here typing, Penny is lying here next to me somehow managing to take up the whole bed in your absense. Thought you'd enjoy this little slideshow of how sweet and snuggly she looks right now.